This chapter contains explicit content.
This was the first time I’d ever felt like bursting into tears the very moment I woke up. Pressed tight against Ilias’s chest within a fluffy futon, what greeted me upon opening my eyes were the unmistakable signs of his bitter suffering last night: there were deep, dark shadows underneath his eyes, and little Ilias who had risen up because of a certain natural morning phenomenon was even bigger than usual. Fuck, I did something terrible to him…Stirring him up so thoroughly, only to pass out and leave him hanging right before we could get to the good part…For a man, there was absolutely nothing more painful than that.
But more intense than the guilt of having committed an unforgivable sin was the gut-wrenching shame I felt when I recalled the unbelievable things I’d blurted… Aaaah! No more, no more—first, let’s get my priorities straight. Number one was definitely my terrible hangover. Feeling a wave of nausea rising up from my stomach, I immediately hurtled out of the futon and rushed to the toilet with no time to spare for concerns about disturbing him awake.
Forget about breakfast—I was feeling so wretched I was practically about to keel over any second now. Ilias, who had been roused by my clamoring, came over and gently rubbed my back while I desperately chugged down medicine.
“Really… I have no words to express how sorry I am…”
I would go on my knees in a dogeza right now if I could, but I might barf all over the place if I actually did it. That was why I could only settle for apologizing weakly from where I was draped over a chair, drained and exhausted.
“Don’t worry about it. If I can be together with Azusa then anything will make me happy.”
“Wuuu… Mister Ilias, you’re so amazing, super handsome… I’ll try my best to do something by tonight…”
Eventually, it was already 3pm by the time we were able to head out. For the sake of the guy who had skipped meals just to tend to me, we went over to a store that sold freshly-picked, earthy foods for an extremely late lunch. After eating we strolled for a bit, and somehow we found ourselves back near the inn. There was a fireworks display that started at around 7pm, so I decided that dinner could wait after we had finished watching them. With that, we returned to the inn.
We first took a bath to wash off the sweat we had worked up on our walk. Once we had changed into our yukatas, I switched off the lights and cooler and sat beside Ilias by the window. Why did you turn them off? Even though we’d just taken a bath, we’re going to start sweating again. I ignored these remarks of his, and rather than say ‘Are you a girl?!’ I stressed to him that this was the way that people enjoyed fireworks. Setting the atmosphere was important.
Moonlight illuminated the dim interior of the room, and from the wide-open window a breeze billowed in. If only wind chimes had been hanging, it would have been perfect.
We listened to the ambient sounds of the distant clamor carried by the breeze when light suddenly shot up into the heavens. Bright and vivid fireworks bloomed like flowers against the pitch black sky, followed by the delayed boom of the explosions that echoed after their wake.
Ilias gaped in blank amazement at the fireworks that rose up and burst one by one. It’d been several years since the last time I had watched fireworks in person like this, too. It was real nice after all. For a short while, there was only silence between us as we continued to gaze up at the sky.
“They’re beautiful… yet fleeting.”
At Ilias’s whisper about halfway through, I turned to glance at him and locked gazes with blue eyes that were staring straight at me. He laughed right then, and the sound felt lonely more than anything.
It must be because watching the fireworks had put me in a sentimental mood, since I couldn’t find it in me to make some sassy retort to those awfully poetic words for some reason. In fact, I couldn’t say anything at all—it felt as if there was something stuck in my windpipe, so I just scooted closer to his side without a sound.
“It’s as if I’m watching Azusa, and… it makes me want to cry.”
“What’re you talking about? You sound like I’m about to die.”
“It’s the fleetingness of it.”
He reached out and held my face, enveloping my cheeks with his hands, and his eyes were so near I could see the fireworks being reflected in them. Those eyes that were now a mysterious hue of blue and green were locked on one and one thing only—me. I realized right then that I had completely monopolized him, and with this realization came the desire to kiss him. Perhaps he had the same thought as well; we were slowly drawing closer and closer together.
The moment I closed my eyes, my lips met with a soft warmth before they were licked wet and gently opened. My hips shuddered in response to something slipping inside and delving further into my mouth, and the obscene noises he made while sucking on my tongue left me shivering from shoulders down to my spine.
It felt good… it’d been a while since the last time I’d felt this. More—I wanted more. As I wrapped my arms around his neck, clinging tight to his body, he hugged me in response with one of his hands slithering upwards to stroke my back.
Our sweat-slick chests were pressed hot against each other, the skin scorched with sensual pleasure. More, I wanted us to touch more, but our clothing were in the way. Perhaps sensing those thoughts of mine, Ilias moved the arm he had curled around my back over to my shoulder and tugged the yukata aside with just one hand.
“Haa, nnn…. ah.”
Though I was already in a desperate struggle to gasp in mouthful after mouthful of air, Ilias waited for no one as he started dropping kisses along the nape of my neck, leaving behind a trail of deep marks across the skin. Each sucking sensation brought a jolt to my spine, each nip followed by a gentle caress of his tongue. His lips quickly traveled past my collarbone to my exposed shoulder.
Normally, him doing this kind of thing wasn’t anything special, but today it was more than enough to make me feel good. My hips were already trembling uncontrollably and my fingers were completely twined into his hair without me realizing when or how they got there. I wanted to tell him to stop, but I also wanted to tell him to keep going—these conflicting thoughts, however, had no chance of forming into coherent words while moans continued to leak out unbidden from my wide open mouth.
He slowly pushed me down with gentle yet unyielding force until I was lying on the tatami, the futon just a few steps away from us utterly disregarded; the precious moments it would take to move over there were better off spent doing much more important things.
Ilias rose up on top of me before once again laving my body with soft, light kisses. My neck, collarbone, shoulders, chest, navel—his lips traced them all without leaving a single spot untouched. His touch made me feel like I was melting, more so than they’d ever made me feel before, and somehow it brought tears to my eyes.
The hand that had been kneading my nipple slowly slid down. Roaming lower and lower, it went—stroking my stomach, then inching even further down to that part that was already staining my underwear wet with precome. Ilias gently squeezed my dick through the cloth then began working on the shaft; as his fingers skidded over the glans of my cock, each slide made my hips spasm in sheer abandon. But though I was feeling it more than usual, the stimulation he was giving me wasn’t enough; I wanted him to touch me properly.
“You want me to stop, even when you’re this wet?”
“No, that’s not… what I want…!”
Hurry and touch me more. I appealed to him with my eyes, and he smiled in understanding. Pulling my underwear halfway down my ankles, he finally grasped my cock in his hand and started pumping it, switching between a slow and fast pace. I couldn’t stop the noises coming out from me each time he moved, dazed as I was that I belatedly noticed the foreign intrusion at my behind. Ilias’s finger had actually breached my hole.
“Hya?! Ah, ahh!”
I let out a high-pitched voice upon feeling it slide in deeper inside of me. Once his entire finger had entered, he waited until he felt that I had gotten accustomed to the sensation before curling his finger and moving into my deepest parts. He immediately rubbed against my prostate—my entire body lit up with pleasure as he grazed against that place before getting racked by violent tremors. He had stopped being careful by the time he put the second one in, and by then I had lost all sense of reason.
“Nha, ah, ya, it’s so good…!”
Earnest words from deep within me bypassed my overwhelmed brain and went straight out of my mouth unfiltered. Ilias looked like he was at his wits’ end, but also laughed so happily. I loved it. Just when I thought that I was getting close, he inserted the third finger. There’s no way they’re all going to fit, I wanted to tell him, but after thinking about how there was something even bigger that was going to come next, I had to get used to this size first if I wanted that to enter me. If only we had some lotion…Not bringing such a practical thing with me was a real blunder. As I pondered over any substitutes we could use, I suddenly remembered the bottle of hand cream I brought with me despite not having any use for it in this kind of weather.
“What is it?”
“My, ahh, my bag… cut it—! Handcre—eeea?!”
Stop moving your fingers while I’m talking! I ended up making a weird sound since he kept rubbing that sensitive part inside me while I tried to talk… In the end, I was still caught in-between clashing desires of wanting to escape from his clutches and wanting him to stroke it even more. Ilias managed to grasp what I meant even though my words were incomprehensible at best in that state; pulling out his fingers, he disappeared to the back of the room in a flash. The sudden emptiness made my hole throb with aching desire for something to fill it up again.
I prayed for him to come back quickly as I regulated my breathing, and soon enough he returned bearing a generous amount of cream which he used to coat his fingers.
Two digits were thrust inside with no hesitation at all—but this time, the slide was smooth and not as painful. In the brief intervals where the sound of the fireworks ceased, the slick and wet noises made a feeling of shame spark up inside of me but I couldn’t dwell on it properly with Ilias playing with that spot that felt so good over and over and over again. With each thrust and each stroke, I could feel my thoughts slowly scattering away piece by piece.
“Is it fine to put it in?”
At my nod of approval, Ilias withdrew his fingers and pulled open the front of his disheveled yukata. He stripped off his underwear which revealed his thick and aroused cock in plain view—thoughts of how it would be going inside of me had me gulping my saliva.
Ilias let out a small smile upon seeing what state I was in. He covered my body and pressed his dick snugly against the entrance of my hole… and then, stopped moving. As I looked over at him to see what was wrong, my eyes collided with his serious gaze.
“Azusa… I… the way I feel for you—”
I pressed a finger against his lips before he could say anything more, which he obviously hadn’t expected me to do from the alarmed expression on his face. What I was thinking though, was that: yeah, it was normal to say those kinds of words while in this situation…However, how about you get to the action first and then say it—though in this kind of atmosphere, I didn’t retort that way.
“Haa, that’s enough—don’t say them… for my sake.”
His eyes widened after I spoke those words while tracing his lips with my fingers. He must be so confused, right? Yesterday I had acted so spoiled towards him, yet now I selfishly stopped him when he tried to say such sweet words… My disturbed breathing gradually settled down, and I could finally speak again.
“Once you leave, once you’re gone and I’m left here alone, would I be able to live on if you say those words right now? That’s why…don’t. Please.”
“I can’t… I’m sorry, but I must say them. I cannot just pretend my feelings aren’t right here. Not when I’m truly in love with—”
I raised my voice and cut him off, then chewed my lips as I shook my head repeatedly.
“I’m begging you… Please…I’m already like this, what more if you…I won’t be able to handle it. I’m already this weak because of you so please, take responsibility.”
None of what I was saying made any sense, I knew.
I said before that it was so that we could go back to our previous lives without any lingering attachments tying us both down, but the truth was, that was only an excuse. I was in fact carving out an escape route for myself to keep myself from getting hurt. If he didn’t put his feelings into words, then I wouldn’t know them, wouldn’t know for sure.
Once I’m left behind with only an empty apartment and a life without him, then I could say to myself: ‘You were just deluding yourself. He didn’t actually have feelings for you’. So that I would be able to convince myself of that, so that I wouldn’t spend the rest of my days clinging to his memories…he must never say them. I knew just how selfish I was being. Disregarding his feelings and forcing him to swallow his words like this, deceiving him with my words and acting so troublesome…I felt so guilty.
And yet… even so, a part of me wanted to hear those words. A part of me was screaming that I wanted to convey my own feelings for him…Really, this whole thing was hilarious. What was I, a maiden?
“… I get it.”
Both relief and sadness welled up inside of me when I heard his words of agreement. Though I should’ve been thanking him with a smile, all I could see in front of my eyes was a blur. I was just feeling more sensitive today than usual—that’s absolutely the only reason why these tears were slipping from my eyes. I wasn’t crying because of this conversation, or what I’d driven him to say.
Right then, I suddenly became aware again of the hot thing gently pressed to my back, and remembered that we had just been in the middle of something. I wanted to continue from where we left off so bad, but I had just refused his confession…Reason and desire crashed against each other in a tangle of thoughts, and perhaps because I was too preoccupied with this internal conflict, I was caught unprepared when his cock softly brushed against my hole. Torturous, teasing sparks instantly traversed across my whole body.
“Put it in, Ilias.”
“But… but you…!”
“It’s not like you’re forcing me. I want this. I’m the one who invited you—this is all on me, so come on, please…hurry up, put it in me…”
He wavered for a while, not knowing what to do, but in the end nodded with a face that looked like it was on the verge of tears. Then, he thrusted inside me.
Pushing past the tight entrance of my body, the mass of his engorged dick made my breath stop. It felt so painful, and bitter, and uncomfortable… but I clenched my teeth, not allowing a single sound of complaint reach my mouth. As I desperately endured the feeling of something so gigantic penetrating me, droplets of Ilias’s sweat dripped onto my chest while he heaved a labored breath.
“Ngh, Azusa… you need to loosen up…!”
“Haa, yo…you’re asking for, impossib—ah, nn!”
If it can’t get in then just let it out! I huffed and puffed and tried to loosen up; only when it seemed like it was time did Ilias force his cock deeper inside of me.
“I’ve put it all in.”
Ilias moved not an inch until I had settled down, save for his fingers that gently stroked my head, as if combing through my hair, while I panted. As he had himself propped on his elbows, his face was quite very close to mine, and in such proximity the smell of his body mixed with his sweat was overwhelming when it was carried over to me by the crisp night air. I buried myself into that scent, adjusting my breathing, before I finally readied myself and urged him to continue with my eyes.
“If it gets too much, tell me.”
“Haa, if I say so, nn—will you stop?”
When I asked that question with a grin, Ilias blinked several times as if surprised before returning the same smile.
“If that happens, I’ll be more careful to make you feel even better.”
The radiance of the fireworks provided some backlighting, and yet I couldn’t see a thing due to the mist in my eyes, the sensation of him licking at me, and the way his smell was addling my senses. All of my insides and even my breath froze in wait when he slowly began to move—though he was slow and gentle, there were still some twinges of discomfort which I quickly suppressed. Gradually he quickened, and the slapping sounds of skin hitting skin and wet slurping noises soon filled the air in a staggering rhythm.
“Ah, nn, aah, a…h!”
Moans kept on leaking out from me with every thrust; his fingers were utterly incomparable to his length, his size, his reach inside right now, as well as the wave of ecstasy that was currently washing over me at the moment. And then, as our bodies rocked back and forth, he persistently struck at that spot inside me that had me melting in pure bliss.
“Ha, ah, Ili–as…!”
“Nh, haa, are you alright?”
“Ah, aah, nha, don’t, there!”
I felt I would go crazy if he kept thrusting against that place, but even when I begged him to stop, his movements showed no hints of ceasing and grew wilder instead. I had no choice left but wrap my arms around his back and cling on.
“Even if you tell me to stop, you aren’t letting go of my hips, Azusa.”
He smiled at me with squinting, glittering eyes—it was then that I noticed the legs I had unconsciously twined around his waist, locking him inside me, and my face heated up. It was a little too late to be all shy about it after the deed was done, but still, having it told aloud was quite embarrassing.
“Does it feel good?”
His breath brushed against my ear erotically as he whispered to me in a voice thick with desire.
“Hey, don’t tighten up…!”
Ilias spoke in a voice that didn’t allow any room for argument, and bit by bit he pulled out his cock before plunging it all the way back in. Whether it was because I was getting close to the edge or because of the way he was vigorously thrusting into me, my body shuddered violently.
“Too… fast! Ilias… nn, hya, an, ah, Ilias…!”
I had long since lost control of my body, so it wasn’t particularly surprising that I was unaware of my nails digging deep into Ilias’s back.
Aah, it feels good…I like it—I like it, you know? I like you… so, that’s why, stay by my side.
Since you’re such a cool yet gentle guy… once you leave me, soon enough you’ll find someone else to take the place I have now. I know that, I understand that, but… I can’t stand it. I hate it.
Despite thinking about how I don’t want to let you go so much, even I can’t let myself be that selfish…so, please, I’m begging you, even when you return to the other world—
“Don’t become someone else’s.”
The words that I had unintentionally let loose from the bottom of my heart were drowned out by the sound of the fireworks.
I rewrote this so many times… Emotional scenes sure do whittle down my spiritual power for writing…
I corrected some typos…! How embarrassing… Thank you very much ><
Here is the moment everyone has been waiting for.
You know… you know? I really think there’s no one who puts as much effort into translating R18 scenes as Psyx and I do…
Our Editor-sama is now working full-time so she only has a small bit of free time. Even so, she’s doing her best to help make this translation look beautiful!!
Thanks very much to our amazing Agent Psyx, and thanks very much to our wonderful author-sama Taro-sensei!!
I’m about to be late to work, so I’ll leave it off here. The next chapter contains more explicit content (and more tears), so be prepared. Thank you for reading. Please look forward to it.